I would like to say this post contains all the quotes from Doctor Who: Kill the Moon, but there were a couple of places where I couldn’t make out the dialogue. If anyone can help, please let me know in the comments section below.
The two places I missed what was said are these: First, at about the halfway point right after the shuttle has fallen into the crevasse, Clara asks, “Where’s the TARDIS?” I couldn’t make out what was said except for Clara saying the last time the Doctor said that he ended up on the wrong side of the planet. Second, when Clara explains why the school secretary hates her she said something about a packet of some product I couldn’t quite make out.
Any assistance with those would be very much appreciated. Now, let’s get to the fun, shall we?
Clara: An innocent life vs the future of all mankind. We have 45 minutes to decide.
Clara: Courtney Woods. Doctor, she’s been crazy. She’s uncontrollable. She took your psychic paper, she’s been using it as fake ID.
Doctor: To get into museums?
Clara: No no no. To buy white lightning or alcopops or whatever.
Doctor: I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. What is Courtney Woods?
Clara: Doctor, I know, I know, but if you say something to somebody like that it hurts. Especially if you’re somebody of her age; especially if you’re you.
Doctor: Oi, give over!
Courtney: I got stuff to clean up with.
Courtney: And I got these from the chemist’s.
Doctor: Vortex manipulators?
Courtney: Travel sickness.
Doctor: Good, because I don’t like people being sick in my TARDIS. No being sick, no hanky-panky.
Doctor: Sorry, that’s the rules.
Courtney: You can’t just take me away like that. It’s like you kicked a big hole in the side of my life. You really think it? I’m nothing? I’m not special?
Doctor: How would you like to be the first woman on the moon? Is that special enough for you?
Courtney: Yeah, alright.
Doctor: Okay, now we’re gonna do something interesting.
Clara: Why didn’t you just tell her you didn’t mean it?
Lundvik: Who the hell do you think you are?
Doctor: Why have you got all these nuclear bombs?
Lundvik: I’m not gonna give you another chance.
Doctor: Oh, well you’re just going to have to shoot us, then. Shoot the little girl first. Yes, she doesn’t wanna stand there watch us getting shot, does she? She’d be terrified. Girl first, then her teacher, and then me. You’ll have to spend a lot of time shooting me because I will keep on regenerating. In fact, I’m not entirely sure if I won’t keep on regenerating forever.
Clara: Doctor, what are you doing?
Doctor: Gravity test. So it’ll be very time-consuming and messy and rather wasteful because I think I might just possibly be able to help you. You see I am a super intelligent alien being who flies in time and space. You gonna shoot me?
Doctor: Why have you got all these nuclear bombs? No no no, easier question. What’s wrong with my yoyo?
Doctor: We should all be bouncing about this cabin like fluffy, little clouds, but we’re not.
Clara: Do you know what’s wrong with the moon?
Doctor: It’s put on weight.
Lundvik: That’s what you do with aliens, isn’t it? Blow them up?
Courtney: One small thing for a thing. One enormous thing for a thingie-thing.
Lundvik: So much for history.
Lundvik: Cobwebs? Henry, go back and prime the bombs.
Henry: Um, is there any instructions?
Lundvik: There’s a switch on each of them, the light goes red.
Henry: It won’t go off?
Lundvik: No. Not ‘til I fiddle with this thing.
Doctor: Is that the best you could get?
Lundvik: Second-hand space shuttle, third-hand astronauts.
Clara: Doctor, tell me there wasn’t anyone inside that thing.
Doctor: I could, but it wouldn’t make it true.
Courtney: What did it?
Doctor: Maybe something … trying to find out how you’re put together. Or maybe how you tasted.
Doctor: Chicken, apparently.
Doctor: Meaning, Clara, that the moon, this little planetoid that’s been tagging along beside you for a hundred million years … that gives you light at night and seas to sail on is in the process of falling to bits.
Doctor: When I say “run” run.
Lundvik: Who made you the boss?
Doctor: Well, you say “run” then.
Courtney: Kills 99% of all known germs.
Doctor: Good stuff, Courtney. Just don’t try that at home, okay?
Doctor: Look at the size of it. It’s the size of a badger!
Doctor: It’s a prokaryotic, unicellular life form with non-chromosomal DNA. Which, as you and me know, well, not you and me … well, you, certainly not. As you and me, yes, scientists know this is a germ.
Doctor: Everything’s dangerous if you want it to be. Eating chips is dangerous, crossing the road. It’s no way to live your life.
Doctor: She’s fine. What are you, thirty five?
Doctor: Now don’t touch anything.
Courtney: Have you got any games?
Doctor: Don’t be so stupid.
Courtney: Can I get reception …
Doctor: Get in!
Doctor: Maybe it isn’t the moon. Maybe it’s a hologram or a big painting or a special effect. Maybe it’s a completely different moon.
Doctor: Clara, there are some moments in time that I simply can’t see. Little eye blinks. They don’t look the same as other things. They’re not clear, they’re fuzzy, they’re grey. Little moments in which big things are decided and this is one of them. Just now I can’t tell what happens to the moon because whatever happens to the moon hasn’t been decided yet. And it’s going to be decided here and now, which very much sounds like it’s up to us.
Lundvik: Neither of you are going anywhere. I’ve lost my crew. We were the last astronauts, this is the last shuttle, these are the last nuclear bombs. We’re the last chance for Earth and you’re staying to help me.
Doctor: Decision made.
Clara: How can the moon die, though?
Doctor: Everything does, sooner or later.
Lundvik: There’s no water on the moon.
Doctor: It’s not water, it’s amniotic fluid. The stuff that life comes from.
Lundvik: Will he be back?
Clara: If he says so, I suppose he will.
Courtney: I’m bored, when are you coming back?
Clara: We’re on our way. What are you doing?
Courtney: Putting some pictures on Tumblr.
Clara: No! Courtney, don’t put any photos on Tumblr.
Lundvik <chuckling>: My Gran used to put things on Tumblr.
Doctor: Today’s the day, humankind.
Doctor: Oh, she can’t post that. She can’t put pictures of me online.
Doctor: The moon isn’t breaking apart. Well, actually it is and rather quickly. We’ve got about an hour and a half, but that isn’t the problem. It’s not infested.
Courtney: What are they, then? Those things?
Doctor: Bacteria. Tiny, tiny bacteria living on something very, very big. Something that weighs about 1.3 billion tons. Something that’s living. Something growing.
Doctor: That doesn’t live under the moon, that is the moon.
Lundvik: What the hell are you talking about?
Doctor: The moon isn’t breaking apart, the moon is hatching.
Doctor: The moon’s an egg.
Courtney: Is it a chicken?
Courtney: Because for a chicken to have laid an egg that …
Doctor: Courtney, don’t spoil the moment!
Clara: Doctor, what is it?
Doctor: I think that it’s unique. I think that’s the only one of its kind in the universe. I think that that is utterly beautiful.
Lundvik: How do we kill it?
Lundvik: Will the moon still break up? You said … you said we had an hour and a half?
Doctor: Well, there’ll be nothing to make it break up. There’ll be nothing trying to force its way out. The gravity of the little dead baby will put all the pieces back together again. Of course it wouldn’t be very pretty. You’d have an enormous corpse floating in the sky. You might have some very difficult conversations to have with your kids.
Lundvik: Let me tell you something. You wanna know what I took back from being in space? Look at the edge of the Earth; the atmosphere that is paper thin. That is the only thing that saves us all from death. Everything else, the stars, the blackness … that’s all dead. Sadly, that is the only life any of us will ever know.
Lundvik: Look, when you’ve grown up a bit you’ll realize everything doesn’t have to be nice. Some things are just bad.
Doctor: There are some DVDs on the blue bookshelf. Just stick one into the TARDIS console, that’ll bring you to me. And make sure you hang on to the console, otherwise the TARDIS will leave you behind.
Doctor: Listen. There are moments in every civilization’s history in which the whole path of that civilization is decided; the whole future path. Whatever future humanity might have depends upon the choice that is made right here and right now. Now, you’ve got the tools to kill it; you made them. You brought them up here all on your own with your own ingenuity. You don’t need a Time Lord. Kill it or let it live, I can’t make this decision for you.
Clara: Yeah, well I can’t make it.
Doctor: Well, there’s two of you here.
Clara: Well yeah, a school teacher and an astronaut.
Doctor: Who’s better qualified?
Clara: I don’t know! The president of America?
Doctor: Oh, take something off his plate. He makes far too many decisions anyway.
Doctor: Listen. We went to dinner in Berlin in 1937, right? We didn’t nip out after pudding and kill Hitler. I’ve never killed Hitler and you wouldn’t expect me to kill Hitler.
Doctor: It’s time to take the stabilizers off your bike. It’s your moon, womankind. It’s your choice.
Doctor: Some decisions are too important not to make on your own.
Lundvik: It’s not gonna just stop being there because inside the moon, miss, is a gigantic creature forcing its way out. When it does, which is going to be pretty damned soon, there are gonna be huge chunks of the moon heading right for us. Like whatever killed the dinosaurs only ten thousand times bigger.
Courtney: Lots of things lay eggs.
Lundvik: It’s not a chicken.
Clara: I’m gonna have to be a lot more certain than that if I’m gonna kill a baby.
Lundvik: Oh, you want to talk about babies? You’ve probably got babies down there now. You want to have babies?
Courtney: Mr. Piiiink.
Lundvik: You want today to be the day life on Earth stopped because you couldn’t make an unfair decision?
Ground Control: Can anybody hear me? Come in. Can anybody hear me?
Ground Control: This is Ground Control.
Lundvik: Yeah, yeah. I can tell by your haircut.
Clara: Hello, Earth. We have a terrible decision to make. It’s an uncertain decision and we don’t have a lot of time. We can kill this creature or we can let it live. We don’t know what it’s going to do. We don’t know what’s going to happen when it hatches; if it will hurt us, help us, or just leave us alone. We have to decide together. This is the last time we’ll be able to speak to you, but you can send us a message. If you think we should kill the creature turn your lights off. If you think we should take the chance, let it live, leave your lights on. We’ll be able to see. Goodnight, Earth.
Lundvik: Tell me what happens now.
Doctor: Mid twenty-first century, humankind starts creeping off into the stars. It spreads its way through the galaxy to the very edges of the universe and it endures until the end of time. And it does all that because one day in the year 2049 when it stopped thinking about going to the stars, something occurred that made it look up, not down. It looked out there into the blackness and it saw something beautiful, something wonderful, that for once it didn’t want to destroy. And in that one moment the whole course of history was changed. Not bad for a girl from Coal Hill School … and her teacher.
Doctor: That’s what we call a New Moon.
Courtney <to Ludvik>: You can be the first woman on that.
Ludvik: Thank you. Thank you for stopping me. Thank you for giving me the moon back.
Doctor: Okay, Captain. Well, you’ve got a whole new space program to get together. NASA is, uh, that way; about two and a half thousand miles.
Doctor: Well, not that it’s any of my business, but I think you did the right thing.
Clara: Yeah, you’re right. It’s none of your business.
Clara: Tell me what you knew, Doctor, or else I’ll smack you so hard you’ll regenerate.
Doctor: Essentially, what I knew was that you would always make the best choice. I have faith that you would always make the right choice.
Clara: Honestly, do you have music playing in your head when you say rubbish like that?
Clara: Oh, don’t you ever tell me to mind my language, don’t you ever tell me to take the stabilizers off my bike, and don’t you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, Doctor. You breathe our air. You make us your friend when that is your mood to and you can damned well help us when we need it.
Doctor: I was helping.
Clara: What, by clearing off?
Clara: Yeah, well clear off. Go on! You can clear off. Get back in your lonely … your lonely bloody TARDIS and you don’t come back.
Doctor: Clara. Clara!
Clara: You go away. Okay? You go a long way away.
Danny: You’re never finished with anyone while they can still make you angry.
Clara: When did you get to become so wise?
Danny: Same as anyone else, I had a really bad day.
Tune in to BBC America for Doctor Who 808 “Mummy on the Orient Express” airing Saturday, October 11 at 9/8c