Image courtesy BBC America

Doctor Who 812 “Death in Heaven” – These Quotes Are to Die For

Wow, what a finale!  This episode was extra full of great quotes.  In fact, there are so many I’ve dispensed with the review and am piling on the dialogue.  I’m not going to waste any more of your time, either.  Read on for all the memorable lines.  And see you at Christmas!


Clara: Clara Oswald is a cover story – a disguise. There is no Clara Oswald.
Cyberman: Identify.
Clara: Oh, don’t be so slow, it’s embarrassing. Who could fool you like this? Who could hide right under your nose? Who could change their face any time they want? Hmm … You see, I’m not Clara Oswald. Clara Oswald has never existed.
Cyberman: Identify.
Clara: I’m the Doctor!
Image courtesy BBC America
Missy: New York, Paris, Rome, Marrakech, Brisbane, Glasgow … Everywhere, anywhere! Me and my boys, we’re going viral.

Doctor: Nice bowtie.
Osgood: Bowties are cool.

Kate: Haircut?
Doctor: Bit of a trim.
Kate: Might want to do your roots.

Kate: Kate Stewart – Divorcee, mother of two, keen gardener, outstanding bridge player. Also, chief scientific officer, Unified Intelligence Task Force, who currently have you surrounded.

Kate: Welcome to the only planet in the universe where we get to say this: <points to Doctor> He’s on the payroll.
Doctor: Am I?
Kate: Well, technically.
Doctor: How much?
Kate: Shush.
Image courtesy BBC America
Doctor: A sun roof on St. Pauls? Yes, I’d say that was new!
Kate: There’s going to be mass panic. Everyone in London can see that.
Doctor: Everyone in London just clapped and went “whee!”

Osgood: Eighty seven, I think. OCD.
Missy: Ninety One. Queen of evil.

Doctor: It’s happening everywhere, all over the world, right now!

Missy: Cybermen don’t just blow themselves up for no good reason, dear – they’re not human.

Seb: Well, when I said “afterlife”, I was being a tiny bit poetic. And, uh, Nethersphere is just a cool name we came up with during a spit-ball.

Danny: We’re in a cloud?
Seb: A sort of cloud, yeah.
Danny: And what’s happening to it?
Seb: What happens to any cloud when it starts to rain.

Seb: And the extra good news is … there’s been a bit of an upgrade.

Missy: In 24 hours, the human race as you know it will cease to exist.

Kate: What did he say?
Osgood: He said, “Guard the graveyards.”

Bystander: How come it’s only raining INSIDE the graveyard?
Image courtesy BBC America
Doctor: What’s with the handcuffs?
Kate: I’m sorry. In the event of an alien incursion on this scale, protocols are in place. Your cooperation is to be ensured and your unreliability assumed. You have a history.
Doctor: You don’t have a future without me. Do you think your father would’ve done this?
Kate: We both know he absolutely would.

Doctor: Where are we going? Cloudbase?
Kate: You mean the Valiant?
Osgood: Cloudbase was Thunderbirds. (Colonel Ahmed later corrects that it was Captain Scarlet.)

Doctor: Ah, I see you’re bringing Daddy along, too. That’s very sweet.

Doctor: Oh, don’t do that. You look like you’re self-concussing, which would explain all of military history, now that I think about it.

Doctor: Love your outfit, Colonel Ahmed. Are you in the Scouts? Are you a Man Scout? I didn’t know they had those.

Doctor: Mind you, me and Sylvia Anderson, you’ve never seen a foxtrot like it.

Doctor: Hang on a second, the President? We don’t want Americans bobbing around the place. They’ll only start praying.

Doctor: That’s your answer for everything, isn’t it? Vote for an idiot.
Kate: If you say so, Mr. President.
Image courtesy BBC America
Kate: So long as you’re on this plane you’re the Commander-in-Chief of every army on Earth. Every world leader is currently awaiting your instructions. You are the Chief Executive Officer of the human race. Any questions?

Clara: Well, gentlemen, where to start? I was born on the planet Gallifrey, in the constellation of Kasterborous. I’m a Time Lord, but my Prydonian privileges were revoked when I stole a time capsule and ran away. Currently piloting a Type-40 TARDIS. I’ve been married four times, all deceased. My children and grandchildren are missing and, I assume, dead. I have a non-Gallifreyan daughter, created by genetic transfer. How much more do you need? I’m the Doctor!

Clara: Well, my name isn’t “Doctor”, is it? I don’t even really have a doctorate. Well, Glasgow University, but then I accidentally graduated in the wrong century, so technically …

Clara: Look, ask anybody who knows me. I am an incredible liar.

Missy: You know the best part about knowing? Not telling you!

Osgood: Who is she?
Doctor: You’d never believe me if I told you.
Osgood: Cuz I thought she might be the Master, regenerated into female form. Your childhood friend, responsible for a number of previous incursions.
Doctor: That was fairly quick.
Osgood: We do have files on all our ex-prime ministers. She wasn’t even the worst.

Doctor: Throw away your guns, Man Scout, it’s all over. How can you win a war against an enemy that can weaponize the dead?

Doctor: Every graveyard on planet Earth is about to burst its banks.

Missy: You don’t smell half as bad as you think you do.

Missy: Humans are born dying. Your life spans are hilarious.

Missy: Thanks for being yummy.
Image courtesy BBC America
Doctor: I don’t like being the president, people keep saluting.

Kate: Do you know, that was always my dad’s big ambition – to get you to salute him, just once.
Doctor: He should’ve asked.

Doctor: There’s a Cyberman out there on the fuselage, but on the plus side, it’s not turbulence.
Image courtesy BBC America
Missy: You’d go to hell if she asked. And she would.

Clara: Doctor, Danny’s a Cyberman … and he’s crying.

Missy: Oh, great. It’s the daughter one. Do you like her? I like her.

Missy: Kill some Belgians. Might as well, they’re not even French.

Missy: You’re an AI interface. Kindly delete your opinions, thank you.

Seb: Permission to SQUEEEE!
Image courtesy BBC America
Doctor: PE … PE …
Danny: Sir.
Doctor: I had a friend once. We ran together, when I was little. And I thought we were the same, but when we grew up, we weren’t. Now, she’s trying to tear the world apart and I can’t run fast enough to hold it together. The difference … puts his hand on Danny’s heart is this. Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can’t feel the hurt we inflict.

Danny: Clara, watch this. This is who the Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action. I can’t see properly, sir, because this needs activating. If you want to know what’s coming, you have to switch … it … on. And didn’t all of those beautiful speeches just disappear in the face of a tactical advantage … Sir?

Clara: I feel like I’m killing you.
Danny: I’m already dead.

Missy: Everyone who ever lived – man, woman, and child – is now at my command; an indestructible army to rage across the universe. The more they kill, the more they recruit. Happy birthday.

Missy: Oh, go on, crack a smile. I want to see if your eyebrows drop off.

Missy: Armies are for people who thing they’re right. And nobody thinks they’re righter than you!

Missy: Give a good man firepower and he’ll never run out of people to kill.
Image courtesy BBC America
Doctor: I am NOT a good man! And I’m not a bad man.

Doctor: I … am … an idiot, with a box and a screwdriver.

Danny: Attention! This is not a good day, this is Earth’s darkest hour, and look at you miserable lot. We are the fallen, but today we shall rise. The army of the dead will save the land of the living. This is not the order of a General … nor the whim of a lunatic.
Missy: Excuse me?!
Danny: This is a promise. The promise of a soldier!

Clara: <referring to Kate> Doctor, she’s talking about her dad!
Doctor: Of course! The Earth’s darkest hour, and mine. Where else would you be?
Image courtesy BBC America
Doctor: I got your message.
Clara: Two weeks late.
Doctor: Not bad.
Clara: Improving.

Doctor: I’ve found Gallifrey!

Clara: Why don’t you like hugging, Doctor?
Doctor: Never trust a hug, it’s just a way to hide your face.
Clara: Yeah.

Clara: Thank you for making me feel special.
Doctor: Thank you for exactly the same.

Santa: Coo-ee! Hello? Doctor, you know it can’t end like that! Hmm? We need to get this sorted, and quickly. She’s not all right, you know, and neither are you. I’m coming in. Ah, there you are. I knew I’d get around to you eventually. Now, stop gawping and tell me … what do you want for Christmas?
Image courtesy BBC America

The Doctor Who Christmas Special airs … on Christmas!

**UPDATE: Watch the teaser for the Christmas Special HERE**

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