My recent Outlander poetry contest turned up some really fantastic entries! Whether they were romantic, serious, or fun, lots of poets among us sent in some wonderful verse. Congratulations to the two winners, Catherine Curtis and Diana Rotelli! I also received a couple of entries that didn’t quite fit the parameters (Outlander-related and 10 lines or less), but they, too, are worth publishing here. (A special shout-out to Karen McCracken, who worked the reason for the contest into her poem…) So, without delay, here are the winners and all of the other entries. Thank you to everyone who submitted! I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.
There was a duplicitous duke
Who had the sangfroid of a cuke
After Jamie he lusted
But then he got busted
And lost both his head and peruke
Aaah, the moment we’ve all waited for
Each speculating on what was in store
From her breathtaking gown
To his rump, oh so round
The earth shook when we all hit the floor
And all of our other wonderful entries:
Aye, Loaghaire’s a naughty young thing
She made famous the old Highland Fling
Claire had better watch out
For that girl with a pout
Who leaves gifts of dried plants tied with string
Jamie, A Ginger haired Lad from Lallybroch,
With a Head as hard as A Rock
Fell in Love with a Sassy Lass named Claire
Who stole his Heart and Soul with such Flair
That soon they were Wed
And Once She Took him to Bed
They Shared Many Adventures That We All Read
Prince Charlie’s Big Baws
I am a Jacobite and I’m true to the cause,
The 1745 Rising and Prince Charlie’s big baws.
He gathered the Highlanders around him just for his cause.
This was Bonnie Prince Charlie wi his big baws.
I am a Jacobite through and through
It’s in everything I say and do.
They fought a good fight and won at Prestonpans,
Zero for the Government Forces and One for the Clans,
Prince Charlie celebrated with aww the Bonnie lassies,
What big baws you’ve got amongst these Bonnie asses,
Soon they were off on their travels again,
Wi a wee bit oh help fi a lad fi Spain.
To cut a long story short their travels took them to Culloden,
To face off with the Government Forces.
Charlie’s baws were shrinking pretty fast,
They had reached Culloden at last.
At the sight before them Charlie’s heart sank fast,
Just in front of Charlie was a great big blast.
His baws shrivelled up really fast,
The Clans charged with a clash of steel,
Charlie said I’ve made a deal.
His baws shrinking even quicker
He took a drink of homemade liquor.
As Clansmen lay dying all around,Charlie was nowhere to be found.
He done a runner and left his gear,
For his life, he was in fear.
He had led the Clansmen to their slaughter,
Then ran off dressed like someone’s daughter.
His baws had shrank till they shrunk no more,
And Culloden Moore was covered in gore.
If only Scotland had stood as one,
At the end of that fight we might have won.
A brilliant professor of behavioral ecology
Had a dream of writing a novel, you see.
With a husband and 3 small bairns at home,
To far away places she just could not roam.
Research at midnight was her nightly plan
As the time traveling, historical novel began.
The growing Outlander story did unfold
To 9 or 10 books so the vast tale could be told!
Cheers, love and thanks to dear Diana Gabaldon.
For touching our hearts through the touch of a stone.
There once was a red haired gent
Who made hearts flutter wherever he went.
Not a monk was he,
But a virgin he be
Til Clair through the stones was sent.
What Every Woman Should Read
I’m told there’s a story every woman should read;
That will make them all “slippery as waterweed.”
It’s about an English lass who meets a young Scot,
Who can’t get enough of her bare honeypot.
Their story transcends all essence of time,
With adventure and romance, it’s all so sublime.
So if you want to indulge in true fantasy,
Read “Outlander” the book, or watch on TV.
In the still of the night we hold on to each other
Our dreams intertwine in their marital slumber
A new day will come
With the rise of the sun
But for now let us rest in the warmth of love’s cover
A nurse from the Second World War
Heard Old Scottish magic stones roar.
She traveled through time,
Met a hunk so sublime,
And she started the whole “wife thing” o’er.
Jamie sent his true love through the stones
So he’d die on Culloden alone.
His bonnie wee sister
Said, “No you don’t mister!
I’ll cut you right down to the bone!”
#1: Love’s Journey – Lost & Found
She married a handsome red-headed Fraser,
He made hearts melt but seldom used a razor.
She was a woman with fight and attitude,
But her healing skills earned her much gratitude.
He stood proud and tall above all others,
His good looks were just like his Mother’s.
They loved with abandon and passion,
And their lives did not conform in any fashion.
They lost a child and then each other,
But in twenty years apart they never loved another.
#2: Jamie’s Prayer
As I stand before God and Culloden Moor
It is not a victory in battle, but my family I pray for.
My wife and unborn child will live their lives with another,
I will never see my child grow or my beloved Claire become a mother.
Please God take my pain and my life away,
For I cannot live without them beyond this day.
I will gladly spend 200 years or more in hell and purgatory,
If in the end I will be reunited with Claire, for that will be MY victory.
By and large his nature is most gracious,
One wishes though he wasn’t so loquacious,
He speaks on every occasion,
Requiring no persuasion —
Sadly his views are often quite mendacious.
You get a pet as a cat to catch those pesky rats
But even if they happen to seem to be aristocrats
And you want to make one a gem,
Don’t attempt to reform any of them;
Any kid will tell you clearly: you cannot baptize cats!
Tamara J. Lawson
“There’s the two of us now…”
“It isn’t Geordie. It’s me, Claire.”
Her breathless words hung in the air.
Jamie turned and reached to touch
the face his dreams had held so much.
Once he came to and made to sit –
she echoed his words, “That bad, is it?”
Twenty years lay on the floor between
these two for whom the yearning’s keen;
what lay ahead, they’d face somehow –
“Dinna be afraid. There’s the two of us now.”
Time Couldn’t Stop Them
She stepped through the door of the shop,
armed with love that time couldn’t stop.
He asked was Geordie there,
but heard, “No, it’s Claire.”
And, turning, slid to the floor with a plop.
After two decades of dreams, she was real,
and his fingers remembered her feel.
Touched her lips with his own,he’d be no more alone
–for their love time couldn’t steal…
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie!
Oh, Jamie with eyes of blue,
I can’t breathe when I see you.
Your full Scottish gear,
I just want to peer
Under your kilt, Oh the view!
But, alas, I cannot look,
Your character’s in a book.
My heart, it does pine,
You’re fixed in my mind.
My hormones are fully cooked!
My Bonnie Bonnie lass, I’ll say her name no more
My Bonnie Bonnie Sassenach upon a distant shore
My Braw brave and canty one, Head like fire of the setting sun
I canna’ see ye anyshore
So far gone a distance more
Such a Braw an Bonnie pair
Cried the lass with red red hair
Leoghaire, my Dearie,
You don’t stand a chance,
For Jamie and Claire Have true romance.
Ask Master Raymond
For a charm or spell,
But be very careful
He may send you to Hell!
Jamie and Claire,
A beautiful pair!
To bed or to sleep?
I’d sure like a peep!
Together they so make
Good love for fans sake!
There once was a lassie named Claire
Who in truth was exceedingly fair.
She was married to Frank
But with a time travel yank
Ended up with a Highlander laird.
In Paris lived the pickpocket Claudel
Who chanced to pick sporrans as well
While his skills made us nervous
Jamie renamed him Fergus
And took him to Scotland to dwell
To write a poem about Jamie
Can make me feel a bit horny,
But then I think about Claire
And all of her fake hair.
So I realize I need to do more work
And include that Black Jack, the jerk.
Now, I would be in a terrible fuss
If I were ever to forget our Fergus,
As we all wait through Droughtlander
And kick and scream “Come on September!”
Although once broken
Hearted and left feeling cut
Off at the knee
I would still defend her or
Him if need be
That’s just how I am, I gotta be me.
Through the stones she travels leaving him behind,
Thoughts begin to scatter as she doesn’t know what she’ll find,
A copper-haired gentleman catches her eye,
Day to day she comes up with another cleverly concealed lie,
No one could predict this not even she,
Her heart succumbs to him his name Jamie.
She travels to another century and is protected by the clans,
She has one weapon her healing hands,
Adventure enters and she replies,
Upon the journey, she peacefully aids a man whilst he dies,
Eagerly awaiting series three,
When it returns I’ll be a very happy lassie.
Working, caring, and had lost touch with myself,
Outlander enters with a force in of itself,
Led to enter a fictitious world unlike any other,
Drawn to stories of beauty and lore that make your spirit flutter,
I have found a roller-coaster ride I can never tire,
Give me passion and adventure that sets the heart afire,
Always leaving you wanting more,
Starz hear our prayer – we need more than just season 4!
In Outlander universe there is no one that knows
How many times we must watch the shows
Over and over we watch the same scene
Hoping Jamie drops his (you know what I mean)
The gathering to pledge your fealty, they say
Is secretly to celebrate Erin’s Birthday.
Bagpipes and drums are ready to start
Let the games begin, Angus announced with a fart.
Our hero’s a Scotsman of Lallybroch
Who turns heads o’er every loch.
He’s bonny and braw,
Every lass’s dream in the raw….
But Hands Off – or Claire will you clock!
There once was a lass from Oxford
who married a lad and grew bored.
She wandered off through the stones
and woke up alone,
so she found a young Scotsman to bone.
There once was a man named Richard
Whose twitter-snark kept us in stitches
He said he’d be cast
And we all were aghast
He was chosen to fill Roger’s britches
Jamie, Claire, soul mates
Highland stones cross time, space, fate
Pain storms, love endures.
There once was a young Highland lad
Who met a lassie partly unclad
She patched up his arm
Without doing harm
And ended up making him a dad.
What is this place under the moon
With standing stones at
Craigh na dun.
The magic and mystery of them all
With fairies dancing to their call.
The noise and buzzing deep inside
I feel their presence at my side.
The wind and pull that lures at me
the past that sets my future free.
I’m tumbling and crashing as I fall
Feeling like I hit a wall.
These standing stones have moved me through
What on earth am I to do?
No car, no lights, no noise to hear
a total feeling of despair.
I need to get back to the standing stones
And find my way – to my once loved home.
The standing stones have changed my life
And find myself – Jamie’s wife.
The truth and the wonder of it all
I’m actually glad I took the fall.
Our wee bit bairn growing inside,
Feeling you move with joy and pride.
Watching your mum glow and carry you forth,
Anticipating the day of your precious birth.
Things got tough along the way,
With challenges we met from day to day.
Where did it all go wrong?
For you couldn’t stay where you belong.
The loss and pain that ripped us inside,
With unspoken feelings, left to hide.
You’ll be with us always within the heart,
For we loved you… right from the start.
No words will ever express,
The awful feeling of our emptiness.
Our sorrow, our loss, of our sweet little Faith,
Know that we’ll see you…at heaven’s gate.
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